Virtus π #007: The Silent Brotherhood: Real Friends, Empty Spaces, and the Art of Being Alone Together
When solitude becomes your strength.
In this soul-searching seventh issue:
Why your "antisocial" nature might be your greatest gift
Meet Zachary, who found clarity in the void between goals
Learn how true friendship happens in the spaces between words
Discover why "doing nothing" could be your most powerful move
Plus: A tumbler for the man who thinks he's secretly a Transformer
Note: This one's for the quiet warriors. Pour your coffee slowly. Take your time. The wisdom's in the waiting.
MAIN ARTICLE
The Friendship Illusion: Why Your Drinking Buddies Aren't Your Brothers
"I'm just not a social person," Mike tells me between sips of his IPA. We're at his regular Friday spot β the kind of bar where everybody knows his name, but nobody knows his story.
I've heard this line a thousand times. It's become the go-to explanation for why so many of us guys find ourselves surrounded by people, yet somehow alone. But here's what I've learned after years of watching men navigate friendship: You're not antisocial. Your friends might just suck.
Harsh? Maybe. True? Let's dig deeper.
Think about the last time you felt "introverted" at a party. That familiar urge to check your phone, to escape to the safety of your social media feed. Now think about the last time someone brought up that thing you're passionate about β maybe that project you've been working on, or that game-changing book you just read. Remember how the world fell away? How time seemed to stop?
That's not introversion.
That's what happens when you finally connect with something real.
Most of us aren't living with friends. We're living with drinking partners. They're the guys who show up for happy hour but disappear when life gets real. The ones who know your drink order but not your dreams. The ones who can quote your fantasy football stats but couldn't tell you what keeps you up at night.
"Isn't it weird to make friends at 35? At 40? At 50?"
Another common question I hear, usually whispered like a confession. That's like asking if it's weird to start getting fit at 35. As if there's some cosmic cutoff date for personal growth, some age where we're supposed to settle for whatever connections we've managed to collect so far.
The truth is, making friends as an adult isn't weird. It's brave. It means you're growing. It means you want more from life than surface-level banter and shared complaints about the Monday morning commute.
I watched this play out with Tom, a guy from my old office. Classic "introvert" by his own definition. Barely spoke at meetings, always ate lunch alone. Then one day, someone mentioned vintage motorcycles. Suddenly, Tom came alive. His eyes lit up, his voice found its rhythm, and for the next hour, he held the room captive with stories about restoring his old Triumph.
That's when it hit me: Tom wasn't an introvert.
He was just stuck in the wrong conversations.
The real problem isn't that we're bad at socializing. It's that we're looking for depth in shallow waters. We're trying to build meaningful connections in environments designed for small talk. We're settling for convenience friendships instead of doing the hard work of finding our true tribe.
Here's what nobody tells you about making friends as an adult:
It's not about being more outgoing. It's about being more authentic.
It's about showing up in places where people share your values, not just your zip code. It's about being brave enough to go first β to be the one who asks the deeper questions, who shares the real struggles, who stops hiding behind the mask of "I'm fine."
The drinking buddies can stay. God knows we all need someone to watch the game with. But it's time to build something deeper. Something real. Something that matters when the bar lights go down and real life kicks in.
Your future brotherhood is waiting. Not at the bottom of a beer glass, but in the courage to admit you want more. In the willingness to feel awkward while you figure it out. In the bravery to show up as yourself, not just as your social camouflage.
You're not too old, too busy, or too anything to build real friendships. You're just ready for something real.
And trust me, brother β that's not weird at all. That's wisdom.
PS: Photo by fauxels
SHORT STORY
The Space Between: When Nothing Becomes Everything
The calendar notification buzzed: "QUARTERLY GOALS REVIEW!!!" Three exclamation marks, because that's how important it was supposed to be. Zachary stared at his phone, the same heavy feeling in his chest that had been building for months.
His desk calendar was a battlefield of deadlines and milestones. Three-year plan. Five-year plan. Retirement plan. Life plan. Every hour accounted for, every day a step toward... something.
"Going anywhere nice this weekend?" his colleague had asked earlier.
"Busy, busy," he'd replied automatically, the same response he always gave. Because the truth β that he had no plans, no goals, no carefully crafted schedule for those precious forty-eight hours β felt like admitting failure. In a world of Instagram-worthy weekends and LinkedIn humble brags, empty space in your calendar was a sign of weakness, not wisdom.
But now, sitting in his empty house on Friday night, Zachary felt the weight of all those carefully planned somethings crushing the space where nothing was meant to be.
His phone buzzed again.
Another productivity app reminder. He'd installed five of them last month, each promising to optimize his life further. Each adding another layer of noise to the symphony of shoulds and musts that followed him everywhere.
Without thinking, he turned off his phone.
The silence was deafening.
Terrifying.
Perfect.
For the first time in... he couldn't remember how long, Zachary sat in his backyard and did nothing. No podcast playing in his ears. No audiobook teaching him how to be better, faster, stronger. No goals to review.
Just the evening air. The sound of leaves rustling. The weight of existence without the burden of becoming.
His mind screamed at first. Lists of unfinished tasks. Emails needing responses. LinkedIn updates he should post. The endless parade of "productive" things that filled his days.
But gradually, like waves receding from the shore, the noise subsided.
In that space β that terrifying, beautiful void of nothingness β something strange happened. Clarity began to seep in, like morning light through curtains.
He remembered the model ships he used to build as a kid. How time would disappear when he worked on them. Not because he was being productive, but because he was simply... being.
When was the last time he'd felt that?
A shooting star streaked across the sky. In his old life β his life of just yesterday β he would have missed it, face buried in a screen, planning his next achievement.
His neighbor's cat wandered into his yard, stretching lazily before curling up nearby. No goals. No plans. Just existing in the moment, fully and completely.
"Maybe you've got it figured out," Zachary whispered to the cat.
The weekend stretched before him, an empty canvas that for once he didn't feel compelled to fill. The thought still scared him β what would people think? What opportunities might he miss? What ground might he lose in the race he'd been running for so long he'd forgotten why he started?
But beneath the fear was something else. Something that felt like... relief.
He took a deep breath. Then another. The air felt different somehow, as if the absence of plans had changed its very composition.
Monday would come. The world would still spin. Goals would still exist. But for now, in this moment, Zachary discovered the profound Gift of Nothing. The space between the notes that makes the music. The pause between breaths that makes them meaningful.
As night fell, he remained in his chair, watching stars appear one by one. No photos for Instagram. No profound insights to share on Twitter. Just a man, a moment, and the gentle understanding that sometimes the most productive thing you can do is nothing at all.
The cat purred softly beside him, and Zachary smiled. For the first time in years, he had no plan for what would happen next.
And somehow, that felt exactly right.
PS: Photo by Andrea Piacquadio
BOOK⦠A CALL
QUIET POWER
By Susan Cain (amazon link - not an ad)
Forget what you think you know about being "antisocial" or "not a people person." This isn't another book telling introverts how to act extroverted. It's a battle cry for those who've been told they need to change.
Why This Book Hits Different
Most books try to fix introverts. This one shows why they're not broken. Cain reveals how society confuses social confidence with social competence - and why that's dead wrong.
Core Truth Bombs
Being quiet isn't a weakness - it's a different kind of strength
"Antisocial" often means "surrounded by the wrong people"
Real connection happens in depth, not volume
The Hidden Power Move
The world pushes us to network more, talk more, be more. Cain shows how doing less can actually give you more influence. It's like discovering your supposed weakness is actually a superpower.
Who Needs This Book
Guys who feel drained by "mandatory fun"
Men who think in paragraphs, not soundbites
Anyone who's been told they're "too quiet"
Leaders who want substance over noise
The Real Game-Changer
You'll stop trying to be louder and start leveraging your natural strengths. It's like switching from boxing to jiu-jitsu - different approach, same effectiveness.
Bottom Line
This isn't about becoming more outgoing. It's about becoming more powerful by being who you already are.
Remember: The lion doesn't need to roar to prove it's king of the jungle.
LAUGH LINE
What do you call it when two introverts become best friends?
WORD OF THE WEEK
"Satori" (γγ¨γ)"
Pronunciation: /sΙΛtΙΛri/
Definition:
A Japanese Zen Buddhist term for sudden enlightenment or awakening. Unlike long-term enlightenment (nirvana), satori is a momentary flash of insight that changes your perspective instantly.
In plain English:
That "aha" moment when everything clicks. Like when you finally understand something you've been struggling with, but deeper - when you see yourself and your life in a completely new light.
In men's personal growth:
It's that moment when you stop forcing connections and realize authentic friendships happen naturally. Or when you understand your "introversion" was just your gut telling you you're hanging with the wrong crowd.
Using it in a sentence:
"After years of pushing himself to be more outgoing, Mike experienced satori during a quiet evening with his new hiking group - he wasn't antisocial, he just needed to find his tribe."
Why it matters:
Sometimes one moment of clarity is worth more than years of trying to fix what isn't broken. Satori reminds us that transformation often happens in flashes, not gradual changes.
POETRY IS COOL
"Appreciate it"
I honestly donβt know who the author is, so I am proposing both
Morgan Harper NicholsΒ andΒ Nikki Banas,Β while it may be inspired by either of them.
Appreciate when you walk outside and the sun warms you.
Appreciate it when someone smiles at you.
Appreciate the people who tell you they care about you.
Appreciate who you are and appreciate that you are here for a reason.
Appreciate that people want you here and that they love you.
Appreciate the effort people give you.
Appreciate the way you feel when you accomplish something you thought you couldn't.
Appreciate the way your mind races with ideas at 3:00am because it means you're still dreaming.
Appreciate the moment you catch yourself smiling for no reason at all.
Appreciate all of the blessings in your life, no matter how minuscule.
And the same goes for all of the lessons you have endured.
Appreciate that you are constantly evolving and that this position you are in right now is not your final destination.
βSTOP BUYING SH*T YOU DONβT NEED.β (MEL ROBBINS) π
The Oil-Drinking Transformer's Guide to Hydration
Finally, a tumbler that lets you drink "oil" in public without raising eyebrows. Because you're not just a man β you're a MACHINE.
What Your Fellow Transformers Get:
20oz of pure POWER-holding capacity
TWO straws (because even Optimus Prime needs a backup)
Double-wall insulation (like your cold, mechanical heart)
A cleaning brush you'll lose before you remember it exists
Perfect For:
Men who secretly identify as Autobots
Guys tired of explaining why their coffee is black as motor oil
Anyone who answers "What's in that?" with "Premium grade, baby"
The dude at the gym who makes mechanical noises while lifting
Real Talk:
Sure, you could drink from a regular bottle like a mere mortal. Or you could embrace your inner cyborg and sip your "high-grade fuel" from this bad boy while making subtle transformer noises at your desk.
Amazon link (not sponsored by Cybertron)
P.S. If your coworkers ask why you're drinking black liquid through a straw, just wink and say "System maintenance." They'll either think you're cool or crazy. Win-win.
ABOUT MENQUILIBRIUM
Why We're Here
Look, we live in a world that keeps telling men how to be men. But real strength isn't about shutting down or toughing it up. It's about finding your balance.
We're not here to sell you another solution. We're here to walk beside you while you figure out your own path.
What We Believe:
Strength isn't the opposite of vulnerability - it's what happens when you embrace both
Growth doesn't mean fixing what's "broken" - it means building on what's already strong
Community isn't about comparison - it's about connection
The Deal We Make With You:
No BS motivational hype
No toxic "alpha male" nonsense
No quick fixes or magic solutions
Just real talk, practical tools, and a reminder that you're not walking this path alone
Join Us:
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Your struggles are normal
Your efforts matter
Your growth is worth it
Want to be part of something real? Forward this to a brother who needs to hear it.
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Remember: We rise by lifting others.
[Note: The fist bump emoji is part of our brand - it's not just a decoration. It represents the moment when one man recognizes another's journey. Simple. Real. No words needed.]