Virtus 👊 #009: The Weight We Choose: Forbidden Joy, Nature's Alchemy, and the Strength of Enough
Between your next goal and your last achievement lies a space for joy. Most men never claim it. Here's why you should.
In this soul-liberating ninth issue:
Why letting yourself feel joy might be your bravest act yet
Meet Tom, whose twelve-year-old son taught him the cost of being right about being wrong
Discover how Berkeley scientists turned a tree's power into yellow dust
Learn why missing out might be your greatest superpower
Plus: A brotherly reminder about the permission you've been waiting for
This one's for every brother who's been holding happiness at arm's length. It's time to bring it in close. For those who need to hear that joy isn't earned - it's allowed.
MAIN ARTICLE
The Weight of Joy: Why Men Struggle to Let Themselves Be Happy
"I'll be happy when..."
How many times have you finished that sentence?
When the promotion comes.
When the mortgage is paid.
When the kids graduate. When, when, when….
Last week, I watched my friend Mike turn down a beach day with his kids. The reason? He felt guilty about taking a Saturday off work. His company wasn't on fire. No deadlines were looming. He just couldn't shake the feeling that enjoying himself meant he was slacking off.
Here's the truth we need to talk about:
As men, we've been sold a lie that happiness is something we earn, not something we allow ourselves to experience.
Think about that for a second.
We can crush a 60-hour work week, deadlift twice our body weight, or build a business from scratch. But ask us to simply enjoy a quiet moment of happiness? That's when the real heavy lifting begins.
The guilt shows up like an uninvited guest:
"I should be working"
"I haven't earned this yet"
"Other guys are grinding while I'm sitting here"
It's like we're carrying dumbbells of duty everywhere we go, too afraid to put them down even for a moment.
But here's what nobody tells you: Joy isn't a reward for finishing your tasks. It's fuel for doing them better.
Look at history's strongest leaders, thinkers, and builders. They didn't achieve greatness by grinding themselves into dust. They understood something we've forgotten: A man's capacity for joy directly impacts his capacity for everything else.
Want proof? Think about your best work. Your proudest moments as a father. Your strongest connections with friends. I bet they didn't come from a place of exhausted obligation. They came when you were fully present, when you allowed yourself to be immersed in the moment.
So why do we resist?
Because somewhere along the way, we confused stoicism with suppression. We started believing that real men don't need happiness – they need achievement.
But that's like saying a car doesn't need fuel – it just needs to drive.
Here's how to start lifting the weight:
Recognize the Guilt
Name it when it shows up
Question its source
Challenge its logic
Start Small
Take a 10-minute happiness break
Let yourself laugh at the dumb joke
Enjoy the cup of coffee without checking emails
Build Your Joy Muscles
Practice being present in good moments
Allow yourself small pleasures without "earning" them
Notice what brings you natural happiness
Reframe the Story
Joy isn't a distraction from your path
It's part of the path
Your happiness makes you a better man, not a weaker one
To my friend Mike: He went to the beach the next weekend. Watched his kids build sandcastles. Felt the sun on his face. And you know what? His work was still there on Monday, but he attacked it with more energy, more creativity, more life.
Because here's the real secret: Joy isn't the opposite of productivity – it's the foundation of it.
So tomorrow morning, when you feel that familiar weight of "I should be..." try something different. Allow yourself a moment of pure, unearned happiness. Feel how it energizes you. Notice how it sharpens your focus rather than dulling it.
You've carried the weight of joyless duty long enough.
It's time to put it down.
Not because you've earned it. But because you need it. Because the world needs the version of you that knows how to be both strong and happy.
That's not weakness. That's wisdom.
Photo by Kindel Media
SHORT STORY
The Weight of Wrong
Tom hadn't always been cynical. But fifteen years in corporate sales had taught him people only looked out for themselves. Each denied promotion, each backstabbed project, each client who promised "next time" – they all added up. Like compound interest on his disappointment in humanity.
"People suck," he'd tell his wife Sarah when she suggested joining the neighborhood cookouts. "I deal with enough fake smiles at work."
Their son Ben, twelve and still somehow unscarred by the world, would roll his eyes. "Dad, you sound like the villain in a superhero movie."
Maybe he did. But villains usually had their reasons.
Then Ben started a lawn-mowing business.
Tom had tried to warn him. Told him about property damage claims, about people who'd find excuses not to pay, about all the ways this little venture would teach him how the world really worked.
"Maybe," Ben had said, shrugging into his too-big safety goggles. "But what if you're wrong?"
Those four words hit harder than any sales rejection.
What if you're wrong?
For six weekends, Tom watched from his home office window as Ben pushed their old mower across neighborhood lawns. Waited for the other shoe to drop. For the lesson to hit.
Instead, he watched Mrs. Chen from next door bring Ben lemonade.
Watched Mr. Peterson, the grumpy retired mechanic, spend an hour teaching Ben how to maintain the mower properly.
Watched the Williams family's teenage kids – who Tom had labeled as "trouble" – help Ben bag leaves when he fell behind schedule.
"See?" Ben would say, dropping sweaty dollar bills on the kitchen counter. "People are pretty cool if you give them a chance."
Tom remembered being that age. Remembered believing in people. When had he stopped? Which disappointment had been the final straw?
"You know what the weird thing is?" Ben said one Sunday evening, counting his week's earnings. "Mr. Peterson said he used to think people were all selfish too. But then some kid offered to shovel his driveway for free when he had his hip surgery. Said it changed his mind."
Tom stared at his son, this strange creature who somehow saw the world so differently. "And what if someone does screw you over eventually?"
Ben looked up, grass stains on his cheeks, hope in his eyes. "Then they're wrong about people, not me."
That night, Tom lay awake, turning his son's words over in his mind. Fifteen years of collecting evidence for why people couldn't be trusted. Had he been conducting research, or just confirming what he'd decided to believe?
The next morning, instead of his usual quick wave, he stopped to actually talk with Mrs. Chen at the mailbox. Learned she'd been a concert pianist in Taiwan. Had his first real conversation with Mr. Peterson and discovered they shared a passion for vintage motorcycles.
Small moments. Tiny tears in the armor he'd spent years building.
"You seem different," Sarah said over dinner that week. "More... here."
Tom watched Ben explaining to his little sister how photosynthesis worked, using french fries as visual aids. "Maybe I'm just tired of being wrong."
Because that was the real weight, wasn't it? Not disappointment in others, but the exhaustion of expecting it. The constant armor-wearing. The energy it took to maintain walls that might have been keeping more out than in.
"People still suck sometimes," he told Ben that weekend, helping him edge Mrs. Chen's lawn – something he'd never imagined himself doing. "But maybe not as often as I thought."
Ben wiped sweat from his forehead, leaving a streak of dirt. "That's okay, Dad. Being wrong about that is better than being right."
Tom smiled, feeling the weight of wrong getting just a little lighter.
Sometimes the best lessons don't come from being right. They come from a twelve-year-old with an old lawn mower and four simple words:
What if you're wrong?
Photo by Skitterphoto
BOOK… A CALL
The Joy of Missing Out: The Art of Self-Restraint in an Age of Excess
By Svend Brinkmann (amazon link - not an ad)
Ever notice how we're all chasing the next big thing while missing the life that's right in front of us?
Why This Book Hits Different:
Think of it as an anti-hustle manifesto. Brinkmann flips the script on our addiction to more, showing how embracing less - less goals, less pressure, less FOMO - actually leads to more joy.
Core Truth Bombs:
Constant self-improvement is exhausting
Sometimes, standing still is moving forward
You don't need to optimize every second of your life
Missing out is actually a superpower
Who Needs This:
Guys burning themselves out chasing "better"
Men who feel guilty about taking breaks
Anyone who's tired of turning life into a performance sport
Brothers who need permission to just... be
Best Quote to Drop at the Gym: "The art of living well isn't about maximizing everything - it's about knowing what to miss out on."
Bottom Line: This isn't about giving up. It's about growing up. Understanding that joy isn't something you chase - it's something you allow. Kind of like that moment when you stop fighting the weights and just let yourself flow.
Remember: Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is put down the self-help books and trust that you're already enough.
BROMINDER
Brother,
You don't need anyone's permission to heal (or whatever you want to call it).
You don't need to stress about what others think of your journey.
You don't need to justify your worth to anyone.
You're doing good work. You deserve to be here. You deserve to be free.
That's it.
🤜🤛
MOO-SIC
The House of the Rising Sun
A haunting blues anthem about fate and regret, where a son follows his father's doomed footsteps into the same New Orleans house of sin.
SCIENCE BEACH
Tree Power in a Yellow Powder
You know how trees are nature's air cleaners? Well, some mad scientists at UC Berkeley just created a yellow powder that does the same job. But here's the wild part: Just half a pound of this stuff matches a whole tree's yearly CO2-cleaning power.
The Breakdown: This powder (they call it COF-999) is like a microscopic Swiss cheese – full of tiny holes that trap CO2 from the air. When it's full, they heat it up a bit, collect the carbon, and boom – it's ready to go again. The best part? They've run this cycle 100 times and it's still going strong.
The Cool Factor:
Imagine a tree shrunk down to powder form
Works 10x faster than other air-cleaning tech
Doesn't need much heat to work (just 140°F - about what your car hits on a hot day)
Could be in use at carbon capture plants within two years
Real Talk: Is this going to save the world tomorrow? Nah. But it's like hitting the gym – every rep counts. We're talking about a technology that could help clean up our air while we figure out how to stop messing it up in the first place.
Full article here.
ABOUT MENQUILIBRIUM
We see you.
The real you - not who the world says you should be.
This isn't about fixing you. You're not broken. This is about walking together, finding strength in our struggles, and building on what's already within us.
What you'll find here:
Real talk, no sugar coating
Tools that work, not quick fixes
Brothers who get it, not critics
What you won't find:
Motivational fluff
"Alpha male" nonsense
Empty promises
Each week, we remind each other:
Your path is yours!
Your effort counts!
Your story matters!
Know someone who needs this? Send it their way.
🤜🤛
Truth is, we're all climbing. Might as well climb together.