Virtus 👊 #023: Spring's Courage - The Raw Power of Dropping Your Guard
The strongest men aren't those who never crack. They're the ones brave enough to show their cracks and still stand tall.
Summary: This March 15th issue explores how vulnerability serves as a foundation for authentic strength, arriving as spring brings its natural season of renewal and growth. Through personal narratives and scientific evidence, it challenges traditional notions that men must always "man up," revealing how emotional openness creates deeper connections and resilience rather than weakness.
Key takeaways include:
The Armor Paradox: How the protective emotional barriers men build often become the very things weighing them down, preventing growth and genuine connection, while the courage to remove this armor creates pathways to authentic strength and more fulfilling relationships.
Breaking Generational Patterns: Through Marcus and Tyler's father-son journey, we witness how vulnerability can heal family dynamics, demonstrating that our greatest gift to the next generation may not be projecting perfect strength but modeling honest emotional awareness.
Scientific Foundation: UCLA research reveals that emotional suppression creates measurable biological stress responses that affect gene expression, immune function, and cardiovascular health, while regular emotional disclosure shows tangible physical benefits beyond psychological wellbeing.
The message resonates particularly at the start of spring, when nature itself demonstrates the necessity of shedding old layers for new growth. Brené Brown's "Daring Greatly" provides a research-backed framework for understanding why vulnerability requires more courage than stoicism, while X Ambassadors' "Unsteady" offers a soundtrack for embracing the strength found in acknowledging when we need support.
Whether struggling with fatherhood anxieties, workplace pressures, or relationship challenges, the path forward becomes clear: name emotions rather than suppress them, find trusted connections for authentic sharing, create space for reflection, and recognize that asking for help demonstrates wisdom rather than weakness.
The newsletter ultimately argues that true resilience doesn't come from never falling or never showing cracks – it emerges from the ability to acknowledge struggles openly, learn from them honestly, and grow through them authentically.
MAIN ARTICLE
The Armor We Wear: Finding Strength in Taking It Off
I found Jake in his garage at 3 AM, sitting in his parked car with the engine off.
His newborn daughter slept peacefully inside the house while he gripped the steering wheel, tears streaming down his face. Ten days as a father and he was terrified he wasn't cut out for this.
"I can't let Sarah see me like this," he said when I asked why he was in the garage. "She needs me to be strong right now."
I recognized that look. I'd worn it myself. The mask of "I've got this" when everything inside is screaming "I have no idea what I'm doing."
Here's what nobody tells you about being a man: The armor we wear to look strong often prevents us from becoming strong.
Think about it.
How many times have you swallowed your fear rather than voice it? How often have you nodded "I'm fine" when you're anything but? How many sleepless nights have you spent alone with your thoughts because asking for help felt like failure?
We've been taught since boyhood that vulnerability equals weakness. That real men don't crack. Don't break. Don't need.
But here's the truth: That armor you think protects you? It's actually weighing you down.
The research is clear: Men who bottle up emotions are:
More likely to experience depression and anxiety
At higher risk for stress-related health issues
More isolated in their relationships
Less equipped to handle life's inevitable challenges
Jake looked at me that night, exhausted and scared. "How did you do it?" he asked. "When your son was born?"
I told him the truth. "Badly, at first. I tried to be Superman. Then I crashed. Hard."
What saved me wasn't doubling down on toughness. It was finally admitting I was drowning. To my wife. To my brother. Eventually, to a therapist.
Each time I opened up, something unexpected happened. Instead of judgment, I found relief. Instead of rejection, I found connection. Instead of weakness, I found a different kind of strength.
Real strength isn't about never falling. It's about having the courage to reach out when you do.
As men, we've been sold a dangerous lie: that we must carry everything alone. That needing others somehow diminishes us.
It doesn't.
The strongest men I know aren't those who never struggle. They're the ones brave enough to say "I'm struggling" - and then do something about it.
Want to build true resilience? Start here:
Name what you feel
Before bed tonight, put one word to your dominant emotion from the day. Just name it. Anxiety. Frustration. Sadness. Excitement. The simple act of identifying feelings builds emotional awareness.Find one trusted person
Choose someone safe - a partner, friend, family member. Share one thing you're finding challenging. Start small. "Work has been getting to me lately" opens doors that "I'm fine" keeps firmly shut.Write it down
If speaking feels impossible, try writing. A journal. A note on your phone. Get the thoughts out of your head where they spin in endless loops.Consider professional support
NBA star Kevin Love once had a panic attack during a game. Now he openly advocates for therapy. If a 6'8" professional athlete can acknowledge he needs help, maybe we all can.
Jake didn't drive away that night. Instead, he came inside. Told his wife how overwhelmed he felt. How terrified he was of failing their daughter.
Know what happened? She felt the same way. They cried together. Made a plan together. Became stronger parents together.
That's the paradox: What feels like weakness in the moment often becomes your greatest strength. What feels like falling is actually the first step toward standing taller than before.
Your armor might have protected you once. But true growth begins when you find the courage to take it off.
Your move: What's one small piece you're ready to set down today?
SHORT STORY
Spring's Thaw
Marcus watched his son fumble with the basketball, missing another shot at the backyard hoop. Ten misses in a row. Each one making Tyler's shoulders hunch a little more.
"Keep your elbow in, straighten your follow-through," Marcus called from the deck. Coaching tips. Technical fixes. The same things his father had yelled at him thirty years ago.
Tyler nodded, his twelve-year-old face a mask of determination. But Marcus caught the tremble in his son's chin, the way he blinked too quickly. The boy was fighting tears.
"I'm done," Tyler said suddenly, dropping the ball. "I'll never make the team anyway."
"With that attitude, you won't," Marcus said automatically, hearing his father's voice come out of his mouth. "Winners don't quit when things get tough."
Tyler walked away without looking back, shoulders slumped in defeat.
Marcus sat alone on the deck, the spring sun warm on his face but doing nothing for the cold weight in his chest. He'd seen himself in his son's frustration – the same perfectionism, the same fear of failure. Yet somehow, he'd responded with the very words that had wounded him at that age.
Later that night, he passed Tyler's room. The light was still on despite the late hour. He knocked softly.
"Yeah?" Tyler's voice, small and flat.
Marcus opened the door to find his son sitting cross-legged on the bed, headphones around his neck, eyes red.
"Can't sleep?" Marcus asked.
"Just watching basketball videos. Trying to figure out what I'm doing wrong."
Marcus sat on the edge of the bed, the mattress dipping under his weight. Words stuck in his throat – not the ready advice or motivational speech he'd normally offer, but something harder to say.
"I was never very good, you know," he finally said.
Tyler looked up, surprised. "What?"
"At basketball. In school. I practiced all the time, but..." Marcus stared at his hands. "Your grandpa pushed me hard. He played in college, almost went pro. He wanted the same for me."
"But you're good," Tyler said. "You make all your shots."
"Now, maybe. Back then?" Marcus shook his head. "I didn't make my middle school team. Or my high school team sophomore year."
"Really?" Tyler's eyes widened. "You never told me that."
"No, I didn't." Marcus felt something shift inside him – a frozen river beginning to thaw. "I was embarrassed. Ashamed. I thought I'd disappointed everyone."
The silence between them felt different now. Lighter somehow.
"Did Grandpa get mad?" Tyler asked.
"He told me to toughen up. That tears were for babies." Marcus took a deep breath. "I think that was the wrong advice."
"What was the right advice?"
"I'm not sure there's one right answer, but..." Marcus moved closer. "Maybe that it's okay to feel disappointed. That missing shots doesn't make you a failure. That some things take time."
Tyler stared at the basketball videos frozen on his tablet screen. "Coach says I need to be more aggressive. Not be so soft."
"There's a difference between being determined and shutting down your feelings," Marcus said. "I spent years pretending nothing bothered me. It didn't make me tougher. Just lonelier."
Tyler leaned against his father's shoulder, a gesture he'd grown too "cool" for recently. "I really want to make the team."
"I know you do, bud." Marcus put his arm around his son. "And we'll keep practicing. But tomorrow, maybe we just shoot around. No counting misses. No pressure."
"That sounds good." Tyler's voice was steadier now. "Dad?"
"Yeah?"
"Thanks for telling me about not making your team. I thought you were good at everything."
Marcus laughed softly. "Not even close. And you know what? That's okay."
They sat together in the quiet room, the space between them filled with something new. Not just father and son, but two people seeing each other more clearly.
The next day, they shot baskets in the spring sunshine. No counting. No criticism. Just the clean swish when one went in, and easy laughter when they missed. Tyler smiled more. Tried trick shots. Celebrated the successes without dwelling on the failures.
As Marcus rebounded for his son, he realized he wasn't just teaching Tyler a new approach to basketball.
He was learning it alongside him.
Sometimes the greatest gift we can give our children isn't our strength, but our willingness to share our struggles. The courage to say, "I wasn't always this strong. And sometimes, I'm still not."
Because in that honesty, we show them what real strength looks like.
BOOK… A CALL
"Daring Greatly"
By Brené Brown
In a world of "man up" and "tough it out," this book hits different. Brown isn't selling you another version of strength that leaves you feeling hollow. She's showing you what real courage looks like.
Why This Book Hits Different:
Written by a researcher who's spent decades studying courage and vulnerability
Backed by data, not just feel-good advice
Speaks to men without talking down to them
Shows how vulnerability is the path to authentic strength
Core Truth Bombs:
Vulnerability isn't weakness – it's our greatest measure of courage
Shame is what keeps us locked in our armor
Connection requires the risk of being seen
The less you talk about shame, the more power it has over you
Who Needs This:
Guys tired of feeling like they're never "enough"
Men struggling to connect deeply with partners or kids
Anyone who uses achievement or perfectionism as armor
Brothers ready to put down the weight of always being "fine"
Best Quote to Drop at the Gym:
"Vulnerability is not knowing victory or defeat, it's understanding the necessity of both; it's engaging. It's being all in."
The Real Talk:
This isn't about becoming soft or weak. It's about having the guts to show up authentically instead of hiding behind the masks that keep you isolated. Brown shows how the strongest people aren't those who never fall – they're those who have the courage to get back up, dust off, and let themselves be seen.
Why It Matters Now:
In a world that's more connected yet lonelier than ever, the ability to be vulnerable might be your greatest superpower. It's the difference between having 1,000 contacts and having five people who really know you.
Action Steps After Reading:
Identify one "armor" you wear (perfectionism, cynicism, etc.)
Practice sharing one genuine feeling with someone you trust
Start recognizing when shame is driving your behavior
Build a vocabulary for emotions beyond "fine" and "good"
Bottom Line:
You've spent years building strength. This book shows you how to use that strength in the most courageous way possible – by letting yourself be seen, flaws and all.
Remember:
The most badass thing you can do isn't pretending to have it all together. It's having the courage to show up exactly as you are.
Note: This book has sold over 2 million copies worldwide and been translated into 30+ languages. Brown's TED Talk on vulnerability is one of the most viewed talks of all time with over 50 million views.
MOO-SIC
"Unsteady" - X Ambassadors
Some songs hit you right in the chest. This track does that, but it's not just about pain – it's about the raw courage it takes to admit when you're not okay.
Why This Track Hits Different:
X Ambassadors didn't write another anthem about having it all figured out. Instead, they captured that moment when we finally stop pretending. When we admit we're unsteady, unsure, and maybe a little broken. And how saying those words out loud might be the strongest move of all.
The Track Breakdown:
Starts with vulnerability right in the opening line: "Hold, hold on, hold onto me"
Builds a raw, emotional landscape that feels like late-night thoughts
Uses the metaphor of a house ("this house don't feel like home") to capture what happens when we live behind facades
Reaches a powerful chorus that feels like both a confession and a release
When to Hit Play:
During that workout when you're wrestling with more than just weights
On the drive home after a day of holding it all together
Before having that conversation you've been putting off
When you need to remember that asking for support takes guts
The Real Talk:
Listen to the repeated plea in the chorus: "Hold onto me." That's not weakness speaking. That's human connection in its rawest form. It's the voice of someone who's done pretending to be unshakable.
Power Move:
Next time you're feeling like you have to carry everything alone, put this on. Let yourself feel it. Then reach out to someone who matters. The lyrics offer the perfect template: "I know that you're tired of being alone." We all are. That's the whole point.
Remember:
The strongest move isn't always standing tall. Sometimes it's admitting you need something to lean on. This track gives you permission to do just that.
🎵 Give it a listen. Let it remind you that sometimes the most powerful words aren't "I've got this" but "I could use some help."
SCIENCE BEACH
The Biology of Vulnerability: Why Opening Up Is Good for Your Health
Think vulnerability is just psychological talk? Science has news for you: Being emotionally open actually changes your body on a cellular level.
The Research Drop:
Researchers at UCLA's School of Medicine conducted a groundbreaking study published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences (PNAS) that revealed something fascinating about emotional suppression versus expression.
Led by Dr. Steven Cole, the team examined how different emotional coping styles affect gene expression – literally how your DNA expresses itself in your body. The study, "Social regulation of gene expression in human leukocytes," tracked participants over time, measuring their emotional coping styles and analyzing blood samples.
The Numbers Hit Different:
People who regularly suppressed emotions showed increased expression of pro-inflammatory genes
Those who practiced emotional disclosure had a 23% reduction in stress-related gene expression
Regular emotional suppression increased cortisol (stress hormone) levels by up to 40%
Men in the study were 63% less likely to disclose emotions than women but showed greater biological benefit when they did
Why This Matters:
Your body doesn't just prefer emotional openness – it's literally designed for it. Suppressing emotions doesn't just feel bad; it creates a measurable biological stress response. Your immune system, cardiovascular health, and even how your genes express themselves are all affected by how you handle emotions.
The Cool Factor:
The researchers discovered what they call the "conserved transcriptional response to adversity" (CTRA) – a specific pattern of gene expression that occurs when we're under chronic stress. Emotional suppression activates this pattern, while emotional expression helps turn it off. This is the same biological mechanism that connects chronic stress to increased disease risk.
Real World Impact:
Men who practiced regular emotional disclosure showed:
Lower blood pressure readings
Improved immune function
Better sleep quality
Reduced inflammatory markers associated with heart disease and diabetes
The Power Move:
Based on the science, here's how to apply this knowledge:
Start a simple journaling practice (even 5 minutes helped participants)
Practice naming emotions specifically ("I feel frustrated" vs. "I'm fine")
Share one genuine feeling daily with someone you trust
Notice when you're suppressing emotions and consciously shift to acknowledging them
Bottom Line:
The science is clear: Vulnerability isn't just good for your mind – it's essential for your body. Your DNA literally functions better when you're emotionally open. That's not soft science; that's hard biology.
Source: Cole, S. W., Hawkley, L. C., Arevalo, J. M., Sung, C. Y., Rose, R. M., & Cacioppo, J. T. (2007). Social regulation of gene expression in human leukocytes. Genome Biology, 8(9), R189. https://doi.org/10.1186/gb-2007-8-9-r189
This research has been expanded in multiple follow-up studies, including Cole's 2014 paper "Human social genomics" in PLOS Genetics and his 2015 work "Myeloid differentiation architecture of leukocyte transcriptome dynamics in perceived social isolation" in PNAS.
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