Virtus 👊 #011: Taming the Storm. When Strength Means Knowing Your Signals.
Between the weight you carry and the strength you show lies a truth about anxiety most men never learn.
In this strength-building eleventh issue:
Discover how treating your mind like you treat your muscles can transform anxiety from enemy to ally
Meet Phillip, whose morning battle with time leads to an unexpected lesson about breathing and dinosaur sandwiches
Learn why science says traditional masculinity operates on a different anxiety "operating system"
Experience the track scientifically engineered to be more relaxing than a massage
Plus: The training manual you need when "manning up" stops working
Pour your coffee slowly. This one's for every brother carrying invisible weight. For those fighting silent battles. For anyone ready to lift smarter, not just harder.
Note: The strongest men don't just know how to carry weight - they know how to carry it right.
MAIN ARTICLE
The Weight of Silence: A Man's Guide to Anxiety
Photo credit: Estudio Polaroid
Anxiety doesn't announce itself with fanfare. It builds quietly - in the space between your breaths, in the thoughts that circle at 3 AM, in the tension you carry without noticing. Like a weight added to your bar in small increments, you might not feel it until you're already carrying more than you should.
We've mastered the art of carrying this weight in silence. Wake up, put on the mask, handle business. Repeat.
Because that's what men do, right?
We grind through, push forward, stay strong. The problem isn't the strength - it's the form. And in both lifting and life, bad form eventually breaks you.
But here's the truth about silent burdens: They get heavier the longer you carry them alone. The pressure builds in your shoulders, tightens your jaw, disrupts your sleep. You find yourself short with your kids, distant with your partner, distracted at work. These aren't character flaws - they're signs of poor load management.
Think about the fundamentals of strength training.
When the weight gets heavy, you don't just grip tighter - you adjust your stance. You control your breathing. You use proper form. You understand that raw power isn't enough - technique matters. More importantly, you know when to ask for a spot.
The same principles apply to managing anxiety:
1. Proper Form
Recognize tension patterns in your body.
Your shoulders aren't meant to live by your ears.Build consistent sleep and wake times.
Your body needs rhythm like your training needs structure.Create space between thoughts and actions.
Not every set needs to be done at max speed.Watch your mental posture.
Are you bracing against life or moving with
2. Breathing Mechanics
Start your day with five deep breaths.
Make it as non-negotiable as your warm-up.Practice box breathing during stress peaks: 4 counts in, 4 hold, 4 out, 4 hold.
End each day with deliberate wind-down breathing.
Your mind needs cool-down sets too.
I hear you saying: “Breathing is stupid. This shit is that yoga nonsense.” Cool, just do it!
3. Load Management
Set clear boundaries around work hours.
Even the strongest lifter needs rest between sets.Build recovery time into your schedule.
Mental gains, like muscle gains, happen during rest.Learn to say “no” without explanation.
Not every weight needs to be your weight.Track your mental load like you track your training load. Notice patterns, adjust accordingly.
4. Training Partners
Find one person you can talk to openly.
The strongest lifters have spotters they trust.Consider professional coaching when needed.
Form checks aren't just for deadlifts.You’ve joined a community where strength includes vulnerability. Iron sharpens iron.
✅ - DONE (thank you)
The weight of anxiety isn't a weakness - it's a signal.
Like the burn in your muscles during a workout, it tells you something needs attention. Ignoring these signals doesn't make you stronger - it just leads to injury.
You wouldn't ignore sharp pain during a deadlift.
You wouldn't push through bad form just to move more weight.
Don't ignore the signals your mind sends.
Don't sacrifice mental form for the appearance of strength.
Start treating your mental health like you treat your physical training: with respect, proper form, and the understanding that strength builds over time. Some days you'll PR1. Others you'll need to deload. Both are part of the process.
Because true strength isn't about carrying more in silence.
It's not about grinding through with poor form until something breaks.
It's about carrying what you must, with better form, one day at a time. It's about knowing that asking for a spot doesn't make you weak - it makes you smart.
SHORT STORY
The Space Between Breaths
Phillip stood in his kitchen at 6:17 AM, watching the coffee maker count down its final seconds. Each morning, this two-minute wait felt longer than the previous day. His Apple Watch buzzed - another reminder to breathe. He ignored it.
The house was quiet except for the coffee maker's dying gurgles and the faint hum of his daughter's white noise machine upstairs. Sarah wouldn't be up for another hour. Emma, their six-year-old, hopefully not for another two.
He had this slice of morning to himself. Yet somehow, that made it worse.
His therapist had called it "background anxiety." Like having a radio playing static just quietly enough that you're never sure if you're really hearing it. Phillip thought that was too gentle a description. It felt more like living life a half-step ahead of himself, constantly trying to catch up to a moment that had already passed.
The coffee maker beeped. He poured the first cup with the precision of a man defusing a bomb. Black, no sugar. The mug was one Emma had made in art class - lopsided with "BEST DAD" painted in wobbly letters. He traced the B with his finger.
His watch buzzed again. Breathe.
The morning light painted shadows across his kitchen counter. Each one looked like a task he hadn't completed, a deadline approaching, a bill to pay. The dishwasher needed emptying. The plants needed watering. Emma's lunch needed packing. His chest tightened at the inventory.
"Just breathe through it," his therapist had said. As if breathing was the problem. As if he hadn't been breathing automatically for thirty-seven years.
But he tried anyway. Four counts in. Hold. Four counts out. Hold.
The shadow of his mug stretched across the counter like a sundial, marking time he couldn't afford to waste. His watch showed 6:23 AM. In exactly thirty-seven minutes, he needed to be showered, dressed, and heading to his first meeting. In exactly thirty-seven minutes minus however long he stood here, frozen by the weight of minutes not yet lived.
Four counts in. Hold. Four counts out. Hold.
Emma's lunch box sat empty on the counter. Yesterday, she'd asked for a "surprise sandwich." He'd promised to make something special. Now, staring at the empty box, he felt the familiar surge of being simultaneously ahead of and behind schedule.
His watch buzzed a third time.
"Okay," he whispered to no one. "Okay."
He opened the refrigerator. Took out bread, turkey, cheese. Standard lunch components that felt like puzzle pieces that wouldn't quite fit together. But then he saw it - the cookie cutter Emma had begged for at Target last week. A dinosaur shape.
Four counts in.
He pressed the cutter into the sandwich bread.
Hold.
Added turkey, cheese.
Four counts out.
Pressed the top piece down.
Hold.
A perfect dinosaur sandwich.
The tightness in his chest didn't disappear. The static-radio anxiety still played its familiar tune. But for a moment - just one moment - Phillip stood in his kitchen at 6:27 AM, holding a dinosaur sandwich, and felt the space between his breaths grow just a little wider.
Tomorrow, the static would still be there. The shadows would still stretch across his counter. His watch would still remind him to breathe.
But maybe that was okay. Maybe it wasn't about silencing the static or outrunning the shadows.
Maybe it was about making dinosaur sandwiches anyway.
BOOK… A CALL
"I Don't Want to Talk About It"
(amazon link - not an ad)
Look, most books about men's mental health read like they were written for someone else. Like they don't quite get what it means to carry the weight of expectations while fighting battles nobody sees.
Why This Book Hits Different:
It's like having that older brother who made it through the storm and came back to show you the way. Real doesn't just understand the science - he gets the silence.
Core Truth Bombs:
What you think is "just stress" might be more
Your father's stoicism may have cost him more than you know
The tools you were given to "be a man" might be the very ones weighing you down
Who Needs This:
Guys who feel the pressure but can't name it
Men wondering why "manning up" isn't working anymore
Anyone who's tired of carrying weight alone
Brothers who know something's off but can't put their finger on it
Best Quote to Drop at the Gym:
"The very qualities we teach our boys to embed in their character - independence, self-sufficiency, and emotional restraint - are precisely the qualities that make it difficult to maintain intimate relationships and process emotional pain."
The Real Talk:
This isn't another "just meditate" book. It's a roadmap drawn by someone who's walked through the darkness and marked the pitfalls. Real shows you how to recognize the signs you've been trained to ignore and build strength where it matters most.
Action Steps After Reading:
Learn to spot your own patterns
Understand where your "normal" came from
Build new tools without throwing away your strength
Create connections that actually help
Bottom Line: You don't need another book telling you to "open up." You need a guide that understands why you don't. This is that guide.
Remember: The strongest thing you can do isn't holding it all in - it's learning how to carry the weight without breaking your back.
MOO-SIC
“Weightless”
by Marconi Union
🎵 Listen on Spotify
Here's something different for your ears today. No lyrics. No hooks. Just pure sonic medicine.
"Weightless" by Marconi Union isn't your typical track. These guys didn't just make music - they engineered calm. Working with sound therapists, they created what science calls "the most relaxing song ever made."
Not a marketing claim. Actual science.
Think about it: When's the last time you let yourself feel weightless? When's the last time you put down the mental barbells and just... floated?
The Track Breakdown:
Starts at 60 BPM and slowly drops to 50 BPM (matching your heartbeat to a resting state)
Uses precise frequencies to calm your nervous system
Builds and releases tension like a perfectly planned workout
When to Hit Play:
During your post-workout cool down
On the commute home after a rough day
When your mind's doing that 3 AM marathon
Before big meetings or tough conversations
Real Talk:
Will this track solve all your problems? No. But it might give your nervous system the reset it needs. Think of it as a spotter for your mind - there when you need to rack the weight for a moment.
Pro Tip: First listen should be somewhere quiet where you can close your eyes. Give it the full eight minutes. Your anxiety might fight it at first - that's normal. Stay with it.
Fun Fact: In studies, this track reduced anxiety by up to 65%. That's more effective than a massage. And a lot cheaper.
Remember: Sometimes the strongest move is letting yourself be weightless for a while.
SCIENCE BEACH
When Masculinity Meets Mental Health: What Science Actually Says
The white coats at the American Psychological Association dropped some real knowledge recently - turns out our understanding of men's mental health has been missing a crucial piece. It's not just about having anxiety or stress. It's about how being a man changes the whole game.
The Breakdown:
Research from Addis and Cohane shows something fascinating: men don't actually experience anxiety less than women - we just express it differently. Think of it like having a different operating system for processing stress.
The Cool Factor:
When men recognize anxiety as a strength signal (like muscle soreness after a good workout) rather than weakness, they're 60% more likely to address it
Guys who learn to handle anxiety don't just help themselves - they become better partners, fathers, and leaders
Communities with mentally healthy men show lower rates of everything from substance abuse to workplace burnout
Real World Impact:
Remember how we used to think post-workout protein didn't matter? Now we know better. Same thing's happening with men's mental health. The science shows that addressing anxiety isn't about becoming "soft" - it's about becoming stronger.
Breaking It Down:
Your brain on anxiety acts like a muscle under constant tension
Just like physical training, mental strength requires both stress and recovery
The strongest men aren't the ones who never feel anxiety - they're the ones who know how to use it
Bottom Line: The research is clear: treating anxiety like an enemy is like treating muscle soreness like an injury. Both are signals your body uses to tell you something important. The trick isn't eliminating them - it's learning to read the signals.
Remember: Science doesn't care about stigma. It cares about what works. And what works is treating mental health with the same respect we give physical training.
Full report here
ABOUT MENQUILIBRIUM
We see you.
The real you - not who the world says you should be.
This isn't about fixing you. You're not broken. This is about walking together, finding strength in our struggles, and building on what's already within us.
What you'll find here:
Real talk, no sugar-coating
Tools that work, not quick fixes
Brothers who get it, not critics
What you won't find:
Motivational fluff
"Alpha male" nonsense
Empty promises
Each week, we remind each other:
Your path is yours!
Your effort counts!
Your story matters!
Know someone who needs this? Send it their way.
🤜🤛
Truth is, we're all climbing. Might as well climb together.
Personal Record